I Will Eat My Own Face
Suddenly and without warning,
Rachel Ray took a steak knife
To the edge of her cheek bone,
Sliced slowly vigorously across,
Cutting her own face off
Like her head was a block of cheese.
She had a calm facial expression.
Audiences thought it was CGI
Or some kind of practical joke.
Some of them laughed at it.
She placed her face on a cookie sheet
With aluminum foil underneath.
She sprinkled seasoning over it,
Salt, pepper, and Cajun spices.
Then she shoved it in the oven
And instructed us in a soft voice
To let it bake for fifteen minutes.
She tried to form a smile,
But she need not have bothered.
Skulls never stop grinning.
Cut to fifteen minutes later,
And she pulls her face out of the oven.
It looks like a generic lump of meat
With three holes and some mascara.
You’d never guess it was a face,
Maybe some sort of meat mask,
And now she puts it on a plate
With mashed potatoes and wine.
“I get so stressed,” she says to the camera.
“I mean, I just get so fucking stressed.”