Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Bargain Bin Rats

Pay attention, America.
There is a sale on rats.
All rats in America are on sale.
These rats are on sale for ten dollars.
These rats are bargain bin rats.
These rats are clearance rats.
These rats are discount rats.
These rats are previously owned rats.
For the price of a Playstation 3,
You can have forty rats.
You can have a Playstation 3
Or you can have forty rats
Watch the rats run
Around your living room,
Around your sister’s bedroom.
Around your parents’ refrigerator.
Cash in your parents’ life insurance policy,
And buy ten thousand rats.
Ten thousand rats or a new house.
You can have a new house or ten thousand rats.
What are you going to name all your rats?
This rat is Chester.
This rat is Samantha.
This rat is Christopher.
This rat is Brian.
This rat is Janice.
This rat is Tyrone.
This rat is Marcel.
This rat is Pasha.
This rat is William S. Burroughs.
This rat is Dakota Fanning.
This rat is Glitter.
This rat is Sparkle.
This rat is James Bond.
This rat is Horse.
Would you like your rats in a bag?
Do you need special rat food?
You don’t need special rat food.
All food is rat food.
Give the rats all your food.
Bake ten thousand cakes
And give them to your rats.
Ten thousand cakes for ten thousand rats.
You can have ten thousand cakes or ten thousand rats.
How could you afford not to buy these rats?
All rats are twenty five percent off.
All rats are fifty percent off.
All rats are seventy five percent off.
All rats are free rats.
Take all of our rats.
That’s ten thousand rats.
We’ll ship the rats to your house.
We have special rat crates.
The special rat crates are made of Styrofoam.
Watch out for biting rats.
Biting rats may bite your other rats.
All rats are biting rats.
Please enjoy your rats.

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