He has seen every youtube video.
He has read every Tweet.
He's memorized everyone's newsfeed.
He has viewed every tumblr,
Every image macro, every animated gif.
He has absorbed every article
On every blog, webzine, and news site.
He knows the names of everyone on Facebook--
Their interests, favorite bands and movies.
He remembers every comment you've ever posted.
He's seen all the LOLcats,
And he's seen every clip of pornography,
Gruesome beheadings, and celebrities smoking crack.
He's explored the internet's deepest recesses,
Its darkest corners, its hidden crannies.
He finally understands it all.
A wave of clarity washes over him.
An ethereal light shines down.
His body vibrates with the electric rhythm of the universe
As well as cumulative red bull consumption.
And a great cosmic truth blooms in his mind:
He needs to get a fucking job.